Discovering my Vitiligo - The Story, Emotions, and Motivation

This is all about the month/year I discovered my vitiligo. I actually "noticed" my vitiligo during Freshman year during Marching Band in High School. I probably had it before then, but I never really noticed. If you were ever in Marching Band, you know you spend a LOT of time outside. We had training camp for 2 weeks in the summer (in the middle of brutal sun season!)... I played the French Horn, so while holding my instrument up, I noticed that the tips of my finger never got tanned. Ignore the ignorance: but I knew black people's palms never got tanned... so I thought it was just a trait that dark people had... that it was normal... Now I got REALLY dark during summer... and I was young. So...

It was during Tufts Pre-Veterinary Camp that I really started to worry about it because it was becoming obvious. The Vet Camp was a 2 week sleep-away camp, and one morning while getting ready, I saw a giant pink patch right next to my left eye (size of a nickel). It stayed pink for about 2 days before it turned completely white. 

Now I had to finish my camp (it was very expensive), so it wasn't until I came back home to Jersey that I told my mom and we were able to schedule an appointment at the Dermatologist (who by the way was really creepy and kept rubbing up against me and breathing on me *shudder*, as you can guess, I never ever went back to him). 

When he finally finished the "examination", he went into another room to come back in 5 minutes to tell me it was vitiligo, and that not much can be done. He said no cause, no treatment, no reason, and he basically just told me I had to suck it up. I didn't care much at this point, the patch around my eye didn't bother me. It made me sad when he said it can get worse, and a slight chance that it gets better. 

I was perfectly fine when he told me. I really was. I didn't care, I wasn't worried, I didn't really think it would change me in any way, and it didn't really... It was on the ride home that out of nowhere I made my mom drive me to CVS so I can buy myself some makeup. I had a 6-year old tantrum out of nowhere. I got all upset and started saying now I'm going to be so ugly, I'll look like a raccoon/panda, and that my life was ruined. I don't know what happened to me. 

It's about 4 years later, and it did get worse, but I am perfectly fine. I won't really leave the house w/out makeup, and even with makeup on, I feel a little insecure as if people are staring at my eyes. Vitiligo has made me stronger and weaker. 

I feel stronger emotionally because I feel grateful I don't have any deadly/life-threatening illness. I have very supportive family and friends. Also, when you find someone that loves you, if they love the pure you, you know it's true love. I am also way more understanding and find myself relating to struggles of other people, whether it's from their insecurity of their body shape, skin, anything. 

I feel weaker emotionally because it does take a toll on my self-consciousness and confidence. I am a girl; my mind is influenced by the "appearance perfection-oriented media world" we live in. I also find myself a little "cold" towards strangers. I also find myself not trusting people when they do compliment me on my appearance. 

But whatever the struggle, I am alive and holding strong. I am working on my flaws. 

Vitiligo is my body art. ;)

Here are pics of my vitiligo: 

You can't see the ones on my hand THAT well, because my skin tone is pretty fair. 

My lips are pink because it's completely vitiligo... But people can't tell. You can see it on the bottom of my lips; the skin around my lips is white.